The evil dictionary

I have something really funny to share. Read on my readers!

SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND.

CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

Yes, I got those from a dictionary. And it’s aptly titled, “The Devil’s Dictionary”. I must credit Anu Garg from Wordsmith.com for letting me know about this gem, he included a quote from the dictionary on one of his daily newsletters. The guy who wrote the dictionary itself, is called Ambrose Bierce. He’s an American writer, who lived from 1842 – 1914. You can read more about him here at Wikipedia.

OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof — an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

The best part all, this dictionary is available online at project Gutenberg. For free! I hope you’ll enjoy this dictionary, if not for a few good laughs.

DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

The Devil’s Dictionary link